Orders of Love

Orders of Love (German Ordnungen der Liebe) are the hidden laws governing the systemic dynamics of family and close systems, formulated by the German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger (1925–2019) on the basis of many years of practice with family constellations (#27).

Three Main Orders

1. The Order of Belonging (Zugehörigkeit)

No one can be excluded. Every member of the family has an equal right to a place. Exclusion (an aborted child, a forgotten ancestor, a former partner) leads to someone in subsequent generations unconsciously "replacing" the excluded one.

2. The Order of Hierarchy (Rangordnung)

Those who came earlier have priority.

• Older children — before younger ones
• The first marriage — before the second
• Parents — before children

3. The Order of Balance (Ausgleich)

Between giving and receiving there must be balance. Disturbance of the balance generates guilt (in the one who received more) or resentment (in the one who gave more).

Consequences of Violation

Entanglement. Violation of the orders leads to Entanglement (T040) — unconscious repetition of the fate of the excluded or suffering member of the system.